2 for 1 Mini Cruises

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The obvious choice is a best friend, but proceed with caution. You’ll be trapped on a boat with them for 48 hours, and if they snore louder than the ship’s engine, the friendship might sink. Alternatively, bring your least favorite relative—the one you owe a favor to—and turn the trip into a funny story you’ll tell for years. Just don’t bring your ex; the open water makes for a very awkward walk of shame back to the cabin.

Another pro-tip: book the cheapest inside cabin. You won’t see the sun, but you’ll save enough money to buy a fake tan at the onboard “spa.” Plus, without a window, you’ll sleep like a hibernating bear. You won’t know if it’s 3 a.m. or 3 p.m., and honestly, that’s the point of a mini vacation—disorientation is a feature, not a bug.

DFDS Amsterdam mini cruise and hotel stay from £103pp - 2 for 1 Mini

The hidden treasures of a mini cruise

Here’s where it gets weirdly awesome. Mini cruises have a secret society of regulars—people who do them every month like a sea-going version of a bus pass. They know which buffet station has the freshest croissants and which deck has the least wind. If you befriend one, they’ll teach you the ancient art of “deckchair staking”—saving a prime spot with a towel at 6 a.m., then napping until noon.

Surprising fact number two: some mini cruises let you bring your car. That’s right, you can drive your battered hatchback right onto the ship, park it next to a Ferrari, and pretend you’re all fancy. Then you roll off in a new country, drive for a few hours, and feel like a global explorer without ever leaving your Honda. Just don’t try to use the ship’s Wi-Fi—it’s slower than a tortoise in molasses, so you’ll actually have to talk to your travel buddy.

DFDS Amsterdam mini cruise from £75pp - 2 for 1 Mini Cruises

Now, the food. The buffets on these ships are legendary for their sheer volume. You might find lasagna next to sushi next to a chocolate fountain, and your brain will short-circuit trying to decide what to eat first. I recommend the strategy of “three plates, no regrets.” Just remember: the ship’s doctor has seen it all, and he’s ready for your immediate digestion remorse.

Let’s address the elephant—or rather, the giant ocean liner—in the room: seasickness. A mini cruise usually stays close to shore, so the waves are rarely horrific. But if you’re the type who gets queasy on a merry-go-round, pack some ginger chews and a sense of humor. The ship’s casino will be oddly empty, and you can play slot machines while the floor gently rocks. It’s like gambling on a waterbed—very 1970s energy.

Finally, the best part of a 2-for-1 mini cruise is the exit. You’ll stumble off the ship, slightly sunburned, smelling of cheap perfume and waffle batter, but with a weirdly satisfied grin. You’ve seen a foreign city, survived a karaoke night, and bought a “World’s Best Uncle” mug you’ll regift at Christmas. For the price of one ticket, you’ve bought memories that’ll last until your next paycheck. And isn’t that the real bargain? Yes, it is—now go book your cabin before the deal sails away.